Michigan Drivers on a Snowy Day

Another blustery, wintry day here in Michigan, reminding us once again that we are blessed to have (for the most part) three kinds of drivers: DWI, DWN and DWT.

DWI – This person owns either an SUV, or full cab pickup with all-wheel drive.  They’re zipping along at least 10 mph over the speed limit, zigzagging in and out of traffic like it’s a beautiful sunny day, obviously in a race to beat everyone else to wherever they’re going.  More often than not they end up in a snowbank or a ditch, which makes life safer for the rest of us because by doing so they’ve effectively taken themselves “out of play.”  However, right up until that moment just before they go off the road, their attitude is that as long as they have their big vehicle with all-wheel drive, they are DWI, Driving While Invincible.

DWN are people like you and me.  We’ve brushed the all of the snow off the windows and are driving at a reasonably safe speed.  Our gloved hands are at 10 and 2, and our phone is safely stowed away with the ringer turned off.  We maintain the right amount of space between us and the car in front, and because of the conditions, we even left a little early in order to allow for a few extra minutes to get where we’re going.  We are DWN, Driving With Normalcy.

DWT – These poor people are woefully misguided, and… incredibly dangerous!  Regardless of whether they’re in your neighborhood, on Main Street, or on the expressway, they’re driving along at 11 miles an hour with their emergency flashers on.  They’re also flashing they’re bright lights, and are likely to come to a complete stop at any moment for no apparent reason.  They have one square foot of space cleared on their windshield, and are leaning forward to peer out of it because all the rest of their windows are completely covered with eight inches of snow.  Obviously they should not be on the road, in fact, they probably shouldn’t even own a car.  And yet there they are, keeping everyone safe by keeping us all guessing as to just what in the world they might do next.  They are DWT, Driving While Terrified.

I patiently await the return of temperate weather, longing for the simpler time of only having to deal with those who are DWSEDT – Driving While Singing, Eating, Drinking and Texting, or better yet, DWO – Driving While Oblivious.